She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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