Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Hippo gnu deer
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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