you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Randomize
