Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
