So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
