Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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