Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
