dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
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