I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Randomize
