well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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