I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
We were destined to go to rehab together
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize