Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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