There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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