Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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