you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
