Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
My brain says no but my pants say off.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
