My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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