The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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