Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
