is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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