dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Randomize
