so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Randomize
