I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
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