Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
