You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
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