I accidentally burped into my bong.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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