you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
