Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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