Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
Randomize
