You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize