I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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