I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
Girls should come with a carfax report
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Randomize
