First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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