did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Randomize
