If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize