Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
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