Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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