Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Randomize
