is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
