haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
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