it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
