Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
