I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
