i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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