if only i could text you this smell
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
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