rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Randomize
