Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
if only i could text you this smell
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Randomize