Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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