Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
