well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize