He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
