Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I'm sobbing to NWA
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