Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
