Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
