OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
