she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize
