Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
