did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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