hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
