she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
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