too bad you live with your parents still
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
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