Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
