New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
