Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
lets start a swedish sibling band together
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
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