Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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