o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
The beer is more important than you right now.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
