it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Randomize
