I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
