He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
