didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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