I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
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