my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
