Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Randomize
