I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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