which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
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