Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
How does it feel to date your dad?
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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