Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Randomize
