my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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