highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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