I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
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