Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
