hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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