Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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