Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
