Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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