I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Randomize
